A typical 2am conversation

[jedusor]

Mike: Why are cell phone ringtones always sounds?
Me: What else would they be? Smells?
Mike: I was just thinking that. Wouldn't it be nice if, when someone called you, your phone emitted the aroma of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls?
Me: What if your phone went off in a cinnamon roll shop? You wouldn't know it was going off. It's like if my phone went off in a sneeze shop. [note: my ringtone is a sneeze.]
Mike: That's ridiculous. Sneeze parlors haven't been around since the 1840s.
Me: Is that so?
Mike: Mhm. The antecedent of the modern sneeze took place only in designated areas. It was considered common courtesy to tip the handkerchiefsman.
Me: Really now.
Mike: Yep! The "ah-choo" sound wasn't invented until 1845.
Me: Who invented it?
Mike: Thomas Edison, believe it or not.
*pause*
Mike: Sneeze parlors were put out of business by the advent of the tissue.
Me: But you said there were handkerchiefsmen. Why wouldn't the handkerchief have put them out of business?
Mike: The handkerchiefs were usually chained down.
Me: ...
Mike: They had to be. They were made out of ivory.
Me: ...
Mike: Had little hinges so they could fold.