let's stumble towards success and pack some snacks for little breaks

Me: Why is there a hole in the envelope for mailing in the ballot?
Mike: Maybe it's there to keep people from mailing in bees instead of ballots.
Me: ...
Mike: Maybe they'd be reading the instructions, and it would say "insert ballot," and they wouldn't finish reading past the first letter of "ballot." And if they just had some bees lying around, left over from Beemas--
Me: Beemas.
Mike: Like Christmas. But with bees.
[20-second pause]
Mike: I was singing Beemas carols to myself in my head just then.

Mike: Why are cell phone ringtones always sounds?
Me: What else would they be? Smells?
Mike: I was just thinking that. Wouldn't it be nice if, when someone called you, your phone emitted the aroma of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls?
Me: What if your phone went off in a cinnamon roll shop? You wouldn't know it was going off. It's like if my phone went off in a sneeze shop. [note: my ringtone is a sneeze.]
Mike: That's ridiculous. Sneeze parlors haven't been around since the 1840s.
Me: Is that so?
Mike: Mhm. The antecedent of the modern sneeze took place only in designated areas. It was considered common courtesy to tip the handkerchiefsman.
Me: Really now.
Mike: Yep! The "ah-choo" sound wasn't invented until 1845.
Me: Who invented it?
Mike: Thomas Edison, believe it or not.
*pause*
Mike: Sneeze parlors were put out of business by the advent of the tissue.
Me: But you said there were handkerchiefsmen. Why wouldn't the handkerchief have put them out of business?
Mike: The handkerchiefs were usually chained down.
Me: ...
Mike: They had to be. They were made out of ivory.
Me: ...
Mike: Had little hinges so they could fold.

Grungy teen #1: There's this psalm or something in the Bible about God giving evergreen or something and that's where you hide the weed.
Grungy teen #2: I'm all brainfarty, what's that piece of paper called, the one that started it all?
Grungy teen #3: The Declaration of Independence.
Grungy teen #2: Yeah!
All grungy teens: *start snapping fingers repeatedly*
Grungy teen #1: My uncle worked at a Jolly Rancher factory and this cow that had been dead for a long time turned its head and talked to him and he jumped off a ten-foot, ten-story wall or something and died. (grungy teen #3 puts face in her crotch) That's where I shoot my load, hon.
Grungy teen #2: That happened to me once, a dead animal talking.
Grungy teen #1: What were you on?
Grungy teen #2: I was seven, I wasn't on anything!
Woman on cell phone: I guess I did commit fraud.
Grungy teen #3: *lies down on top of girl*
Grungy teen #4: You asleep, Andrew, or just enjoying her boobs?
Grungy teen #1, hollering at the top of her lungs: I HAVE TO PEEEEEE
Nerdy mid-twenties guy: *spots my "Look at me still talking when there's science to do" shirt* The cake is a lie!

♥ you, Seattle.

[Poll #1674569]

[Poll #1547370]

1. I turned in my final portfolio and gave my final presentation, and Qualitative Methods is OVER. FOREVER.

2. I got all 195 countries. I am ridiculously proud of myself.

Oh! Ash Ketchum. Catch 'em. Gotta catch 'em all. I get it now.

In my defense, I was nine the last time I gave the subject any serious thought.

Scene: a busy intersection. I am on my bike in the left-turn lane on the way to work, waiting for the light to turn green. A guy on a beautiful Suzuki sportbike pulls up next to me.

Me: *hollers above idling engine* Nice bike!
Dude: *flips up visor of helmet* Thank you!
Me: I'm gonna get one someday.
Dude: They're getting cheaper.
Me: I almost bought one a couple months ago, a CBR 600, but the chick backed out on me.
Dude: That's a good bike!
Me: And it only had three thousand miles on it! A '94!
Dude: Three thousand? That's IT?
Me: I know!
*light turns green*
Me: Have a nice day!
Dude: You too!

It wasn't much of a conversation, but it put a smile on my face for a while. I love it when two people's paths intersect and instead of looking away and Minding Their Own Business because they don't know each other, they acknowledge one another and interact a bit. That happens so much more often here than it does in the Midwest, and I think my willingness to let it happen is a large part of my ability to make friends easily.

Wouldn't it be great if no one ever got offended?
And wouldn't it be great to say what's really on your mind?
I have always said all the rules are made for bending
And if I let my hair down, would that be such a crime?

I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence free

I could really use to lose my Catholic conscience
'Cause I'm getting sick of feeling guilty all the time
And I won't abuse it, yeah, I've got the best intentions
For a little bit of anarchy but not the hurting kind

I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence free

I couldn't sleep at all last night
'Cause I had so much on my mind
And I'd like to leave it all behind,
But you know it's not that easy
Oh, for just one night

Wouldn't it be great, if the band just never ended
We could stay out late and we would never hear life's call
We wouldn't need to worry about approval or permission,
We could slip off the edge and never worry about the fall

I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence free

--"Consequence Free" by Great Big Sea