jedusor: (axe murderer)
I wrote this parody as a potential idea for my team's WHO application video, and we never ended up using it. Posted for posterity:

What do you do with a B.A. in evil?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of study at how to be cruddy
Have earned me this useless degree
I can't go roll heads yet
'Cause I have no cred yet
The world is a villainous place
But somehow I can't shake
The feeling I might make
A dent in the human race


(original lyrics:
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge
Have earned me this useless degree
I can't pay the bills yet
'Cause I have no skills yet
The world is a big scary place
But somehow I can't shake
The feeling I might make
A difference to the human race
)
jedusor: (super-hyphen)
Me: Why is there a hole in the envelope for mailing in the ballot?
Mike: Maybe it's there to keep people from mailing in bees instead of ballots.
Me: ...
Mike: Maybe they'd be reading the instructions, and it would say "insert ballot," and they wouldn't finish reading past the first letter of "ballot." And if they just had some bees lying around, left over from Beemas--
Me: Beemas.
Mike: Like Christmas. But with bees.
[20-second pause]
Mike: I was singing Beemas carols to myself in my head just then.
jedusor: (seattle gay pride)
A story written just now at the bus stop by Kit and Mike, presented without comment:

Once upon a time, Julia lived in the first city in the United States to have bike lanes.

Several million years later, the sun exploded.

But that was okay, because Julia was already dead by then.
jedusor: (super-hyphen)
Mike: Why are cell phone ringtones always sounds?
Me: What else would they be? Smells?
Mike: I was just thinking that. Wouldn't it be nice if, when someone called you, your phone emitted the aroma of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls?
Me: What if your phone went off in a cinnamon roll shop? You wouldn't know it was going off. It's like if my phone went off in a sneeze shop. [note: my ringtone is a sneeze.]
Mike: That's ridiculous. Sneeze parlors haven't been around since the 1840s.
Me: Is that so?
Mike: Mhm. The antecedent of the modern sneeze took place only in designated areas. It was considered common courtesy to tip the handkerchiefsman.
Me: Really now.
Mike: Yep! The "ah-choo" sound wasn't invented until 1845.
Me: Who invented it?
Mike: Thomas Edison, believe it or not.
*pause*
Mike: Sneeze parlors were put out of business by the advent of the tissue.
Me: But you said there were handkerchiefsmen. Why wouldn't the handkerchief have put them out of business?
Mike: The handkerchiefs were usually chained down.
Me: ...
Mike: They had to be. They were made out of ivory.
Me: ...
Mike: Had little hinges so they could fold.
jedusor: (i have a cat)
[Poll #1737224]
jedusor: (seattle gay pride)
Grungy teen #1: There's this psalm or something in the Bible about God giving evergreen or something and that's where you hide the weed.
Grungy teen #2: I'm all brainfarty, what's that piece of paper called, the one that started it all?
Grungy teen #3: The Declaration of Independence.
Grungy teen #2: Yeah!
All grungy teens: *start snapping fingers repeatedly*
Grungy teen #1: My uncle worked at a Jolly Rancher factory and this cow that had been dead for a long time turned its head and talked to him and he jumped off a ten-foot, ten-story wall or something and died. (grungy teen #3 puts face in her crotch) That's where I shoot my load, hon.
Grungy teen #2: That happened to me once, a dead animal talking.
Grungy teen #1: What were you on?
Grungy teen #2: I was seven, I wasn't on anything!
Woman on cell phone: I guess I did commit fraud.
Grungy teen #3: *lies down on top of girl*
Grungy teen #4: You asleep, Andrew, or just enjoying her boobs?
Grungy teen #1, hollering at the top of her lungs: I HAVE TO PEEEEEE
Nerdy mid-twenties guy: *spots my "Look at me still talking when there's science to do" shirt* The cake is a lie!

♥ you, Seattle.

idea

Mar. 14th, 2011 01:34 am
jedusor: (beware the groove)
You know what needs to exist? A jack-in-the-box containing a Pikachu toy. It would be a peekaboo Pikachu.

The person who creates/obtains this item for me gets... well, not my firstborn, but you can have my brothers' firstborn. Chances are good at least one of them will spawn, right? Or hey, you could have my mom's lastborn, I could easily arrange to have him kidnapped.

Peekaboo Pikachu, you guys. Make it happen.
jedusor: (faye sword-balancing)
I think Dora's mom and Hannelore's mom should meet. And perhaps take over Canada together.

Pet peeve

Dec. 18th, 2008 12:58 pm
jedusor: (capslock harry)
IF YOU ARE GOING TO WALK UP THE ESCALATOR, YOU DO IT ON THE LEFT.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO STAND ON THE ESCALATOR, YOU DO IT ON THE RIGHT. WITH YOUR LUGGAGE, SMALL CHILDREN, AND ALL APPENDAGES ALSO ON THE RIGHT.

IT IS NOT THAT HARD, PEOPLE. SERIOUSLY.
jedusor: (riverdancing)
1. I turned in my final portfolio and gave my final presentation, and Qualitative Methods is OVER. FOREVER.

2. I got all 195 countries. I am ridiculously proud of myself.
jedusor: (riverdancing)
You guys, you guys! Lookit what I can do!



EDIT: You guys, you guys! I just got my very first bitchy YouTube comment! Apparently I have "waaaaaaaaaay" too much time on my hands. :D
jedusor: (i have a cat)
Oh! Ash Ketchum. Catch 'em. Gotta catch 'em all. I get it now.

In my defense, I was nine the last time I gave the subject any serious thought.
jedusor: (flavr)
I say that the qualifier "yummy" refers solely to quality of taste and cannot be perceived while the substance in question is actually in one's tummy, as tummies are not equipped with taste buds. Jason contends that both satiety and texture should also be taken into account when measuring yumminess levels, and said yumminess can thus to some extent exist within the tummy. What is your educated and informed opinion on the matter?

(I'm working on that ten-page paper that's due tomorrow. I'm just taking a break. Breaks are allowed.)
jedusor: (riverdancing)
Scene: a busy intersection. I am on my bike in the left-turn lane on the way to work, waiting for the light to turn green. A guy on a beautiful Suzuki sportbike pulls up next to me.

Me: *hollers above idling engine* Nice bike!
Dude: *flips up visor of helmet* Thank you!
Me: I'm gonna get one someday.
Dude: They're getting cheaper.
Me: I almost bought one a couple months ago, a CBR 600, but the chick backed out on me.
Dude: That's a good bike!
Me: And it only had three thousand miles on it! A '94!
Dude: Three thousand? That's IT?
Me: I know!
*light turns green*
Me: Have a nice day!
Dude: You too!

It wasn't much of a conversation, but it put a smile on my face for a while. I love it when two people's paths intersect and instead of looking away and Minding Their Own Business because they don't know each other, they acknowledge one another and interact a bit. That happens so much more often here than it does in the Midwest, and I think my willingness to let it happen is a large part of my ability to make friends easily.
jedusor: (wtf)
Every few months, Pier 1 starts a new Event. The Events involve stressing certain products, and they coincide with clearance markdowns. There's been the Bedroom Event, the Dining Event, etc. Lately, the Events have been given really silly names- Very Merry, Spring-A-Ding-Ding... yeah, I know, but hold on. It gets better. The latest event, which began Monday, focuses on fragrances, flowers/decor, teapots, and rocking chairs. (I don't know why rocking chairs.) The name is--are you ready for this?

Aroma-Rama-Mama-Rama.

We're supposed to talk these things up to customers. Casual approach, how are you doing today, have you heard about our Aroma-Rama-Mama-Rama sale?

Aroma-Rama-Mama-Rama.

Aroma-Mama... shit.
jedusor: (dysfunctional)
Wouldn't it be great if no one ever got offended?
And wouldn't it be great to say what's really on your mind?
I have always said all the rules are made for bending
And if I let my hair down, would that be such a crime?

I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence free

I could really use to lose my Catholic conscience
'Cause I'm getting sick of feeling guilty all the time
And I won't abuse it, yeah, I've got the best intentions
For a little bit of anarchy but not the hurting kind

I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence free

I couldn't sleep at all last night
'Cause I had so much on my mind
And I'd like to leave it all behind,
But you know it's not that easy
Oh, for just one night

Wouldn't it be great, if the band just never ended
We could stay out late and we would never hear life's call
We wouldn't need to worry about approval or permission,
We could slip off the edge and never worry about the fall

I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence free


--"Consequence Free" by Great Big Sea

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