Alice Visits: Destruction Ensues

So, velvetpanda is here! We watched Team America last night in honor of the holiday, and went grocery shopping, and slept, and... oh, yeah, Alice is dismantling my house from the ground up.

Here's how this morning went.

Me: *washing breakfast dishes*
Alice: Uh, is there a trick to flushing the toilet?
Me: What, is it not flushing? *goes into bathroom, observes Issue, attempts to fix with plunger, fails* Okay, let's call a plumber. *removes rug and trash so as not to get them wet, goes back to continue washing dishes*
Alice: *makes coffee*
Me: Yeah, so I should be getting my free concert DVD from the Jonathan Coul--
Alice: *removes tea kettle from stove*
Me: FIRE!
Me and Alice: *blow frantically at three-inch flame emanating from stove*
Me: Windows! Open windows!
Alice: *grabs bathroom rug from floor, uses to fan smoke out windows*
Me: Can I please finish washing the dishes here?
Alice: This house has withstood the elements since 1863, but one sixteen-year-old girl from the 21st century is going to bring it down.

I love this girl to death. Really. To death.