let's stumble towards success and pack some snacks for little breaks

Well, God, it's like this
It may be arrogance or just appalling taste
I'd rather use my pain than let it all go to waste
On some old god who tells me what I want to hear
As if I cannot tell obedience from fear
I want to take my pleasures where and how I will,
Be they disgraceful or distasteful or distilled
And to be frank I find that life has more appeal
Without a driver who's asleep behind the wheel

--"Don't Look Down" by the Divine Comedy (YouSendIt link)

The song is actually about a Ferris wheel, and the rest of it is quite good too, but that was the part that made me stop washing the dishes and check my iPod to see what I was listening to.

My grandpa was listening to jazz in his room with the door open a little while ago, and a particularly loud frog outside started croaking in time with the beat. About eight or nine bars straight, perfect rhythm.

That may be the closest thing to a religious experience I've ever had.

hannahrorlove: Mmm, Led Zeppelin.
hannahrorlove: Did you like the song of theirs I sent over?
sorryihaveacat: It didn't particularly strike me one way or the other.
hannahrorlove: Huh.
hannahrorlove: You're young. Give it time.
sorryihaveacat: *gives you the evil eye*
hannahrorlove: That doesn't work on me.
hannahrorlove: I have a counter-charm.
hannahrorlove: Keyn aynhoreh!
sorryihaveacat: *blinks*
hannahrorlove: It's Yiddish.
sorryihaveacat: Oh.
hannahrorlove: Therefor, it wins.
sorryihaveacat: Is it actually a defense against the evil eye?
hannahrorlove: Yes.
sorryihaveacat: That's pretty cool.
hannahrorlove: Dude, we've got a prayer for after you go to the bathroom.
hannahrorlove: We're ready for anything.

And sure enough: Blessed are You, Hashem, Our G-d, King of the universe, Who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings...

I had a conversation earlier today with Jeanette about homosexuality, stem cell research and abortion. I think she's very confused about these issues- she's an intelligent person, but she wants to reconcile common sense with the Mormon church, and there's just no way I can see for that to happen.

I wonder how many people like her are out there, with a deeply religious background and beliefs, but an open and reasonable attitude. The thing is, the ones who are open-minded don't press their beliefs on others, so the ones that we really see in society are the rude ones who won't shut up. I know they're not all like that, but I honestly have no clue what the statistics are. I try to picture being in their shoes- growing up without a single doubt about something, and then realizing that maybe things aren't as black and white as they can seem if you think about them the easy way. What beliefs do I hold, that could be questioned if I looked at them differently? I'm not religious at all- I wasn't raised to be, and now that I'm old enough to look at more than one viewpoint and listen to different people, I honestly don't feel the need to be... although I'm beginning to understand, in the most pail-from-the-ocean way, why other people do. I see their community, the way they all work toward a common goal through common principles, and I understand both the attraction to join and the reluctance to leave. Conversely, and less obviously, there is the inner spirituality, the kind that tends to recoil from church and from other people's doubt. This has more to do with security, I think. People want certainty, safety, and (perhaps most important of all) meaning. They don't want to think that they don't matter. Religion, and to an extent spirituality, is there so that people can focus on possibilities- the possibility of heaven and hell, of self-actualization, of species-wide solidarity. I think there's more to inner spirituality than that, because it involves a lot more meditation and thought, versus the group mentality of organized religion, but it all still serves the same purpose, and that is providing purpose. Which is perfectly okay, as long as it doesn't force itself into laws and science and other people, because there are too many religions out there for that to resolve itself peacefully. When religion really is there to make people feel better about themselves and their lives, and when it's personal instead of an outer statement, I'm all for it.

Maybe Jeanette will be able to develop her own creed, a belief structure through which she can combine fact and religion in a way so as to satisfy herself, intellectually and spiritually. I wish her luck. I wish luck to all the Jeanettes, all the people out there who just aren't sure. I hope they figure it out, because no matter how much I wish I could give them my own confidence, I can't. No one can except themselves.

Philosophy class today. The teacher and one of the students went head-to-head on matters of religion. It was Socrates's belief in the truth rather than a god vs. the Christian concept that there are some things that don't need to be tested. I was listening to this loud debate and doodling, and the guy next to me touched my arm, pointed at what I was drawing, and gave me the thumbs-up. I looked down; it was an elaborate "666" with much decoration. I guess I don't really agree with either of the points of view being discussed.