Something that you miss

[jedusor]

Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – Your music
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your hobbies
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A precious item
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – An inspiration
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – Your mode of transportation
Day 14 – Where you live
Day 15 – Something you love about yourself
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – Your morning routine
Day 21 – Your job and/or schooling
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – Your sleeping habits
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your favorite foods/drinks
Day 30 – Your aspirations

I miss doing stupid shit on purpose.

I still do stupid shit, don't get me wrong. I am a pro at accidental stupid shit. But there's something really freeing about looking at an array of options and thinking, "Huh, that choice would be totally awesome for two minutes and then it would land me in a phenomenal pile of trouble..." and then diving headlong into it. Because I can, and because that two minutes would seriously be totally awesome.

I've gotten into a really impressive amount of trouble because of my tendency to do this. I've also ended up with some fantastic memories. For a couple years now, I've been a little more cautious. It's better for me, and my life is on average better this way, but sometimes I really miss those spikes of joy even when I know the low points after them sucked.

Comments

[uncanny-npl.livejournal.com]

Now here's a funny thing: the phase you're leaving seems to be the phase I'm heading toward. With every passing day I get a little less careful about what I do and say, or how I "present myself". I haven't gotten into any huge trouble so far (please give examples of trouble *you've* been in--I need a role model!), but I can sort of feel it coming on, as I'm just barely making an effort these days to censor myself when I speak or write. And when some societal expectation seems impractical or arbitrary to me, I often just ignore it. It's just little aberrations so far, like grocery shopping in my pajamas, using the men's room if the women's room's too crowded, making jokes at funerals, pouring a pitcher of water over my head on a hot day... All my life--*quite* unlike you, darling!--I was afraid of being *visible,* much less outrageous. But growing older makes you invisible anyway, and that's a really freeing thing.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

I'll definitely use the men's room and pour water over my head, and you don't want to know what I did at a funeral one time, but I guess that's not really what I mean. I'm talking about kissing a stranger in the dark without ever seeing his face, about blowing $300 of grocery money on a plane trip for a vote that won't matter, about setting things on fire without knowing how I'm going to put them out. One time when I was fourteen, I left the house without telling anyone to meet a friend at the park and spent four hours learning about philosophy and high school culture and how to evade the police, and came home at two AM to a furious mother and an arrest warrant, and I knew that would happen but it was so worth it.