Conformity

[jedusor]

When I was twelve, I spent an afternoon hanging out with a girl who was not like most of the people I knew. I think her name was Morgan. She was also twelve years old. She wore enormous hoop earrings and makeup applied so expertly that I wasn't sure it was there, and she liked SpongeBob SquarePants. (This was 2003, when it was fashionable for teenagers to like SpongeBob SquarePants.) She acted very bored, not with me so much as with the world, and I didn't understand her very well.

I told Morgan that she seemed normal. I said it apologetically, because in the world where I grew up, that wasn't a compliment. I spent my childhood around freaks and hippies, geeks and jugglers, people who valued intelligence and originality.

She didn't seem to mind at all. "Why don't you want to be normal?" she asked.

"Because then you're just like everyone else," I said. "You're just a conformist."

"What's wrong with conformity?"

I was flummoxed. I distinctly remember struggling to even process that question. I ended up stammering something about how I wanted to do something important with my life someday, and that I wouldn't be able to set myself apart if I never did anything differently, but it wasn't a real answer. I didn't have a real answer to that question. Conformity was bad because it was bad, that was all. When I liked things that other people liked, when I got into Pokemon and Harry Potter and Avril Lavigne, I insisted that they were exceptions, that they were good despite the fact that they were popular. I kept doing this through adolescence--sure, this song plays on the radio all the time, but it's actually a pretty great song. This TV show is actually totally awesome, even though everyone watches it.

I was a pretty smart kid, or so I believed because I'd been told that so many times, but I somehow never scraped together the sense to consider the possibility that things might be popular because they were good.

I didn't have an answer for Morgan because I didn't understand what I was talking about when I used the word "conformity." Conformity, in the context that I meant it when I denigrated it, means behaving in socially standard ways because they are socially standard. There are often excellent reasons to do this, which is another thing it took me a while to realize, although it can be dangerous to get in the habit of it.

But there are other reasons to engage in socially standard preference behaviors. It's possible to like a band or fashion for its own sake, not because everyone else does. I am of the opinion that Lady Gaga is a damn good musician, and I didn't come to that conclusion based on how many other people agree or how many people don't. I just like her music. And yeah, some people tend to blindly follow the trends, but trends don't exist because of the people who follow them once they're already there. Trends exist because of a whole lot of people who, individually, just like the music.

It's also possible to engage in a particular behavior not to join the masses, but to understand them. I read the trending tags on Twitter on occasion, not because I think I'll find anything particularly worthwhile there, but because there are a lot of people in the world that aren't me. I don't watch Glee because I think it's good; I watch it because there are a lot of kids growing up right now whose worldviews will be influenced by it, and I want to have that cultural context. (I also watch it because there are two plus-sized characters and five queer characters, and even if they're all as two-dimensional as the rest of the cast and the plots suck like they were written by Edward Hamhands, I can't help wanting to support that kind of presence on such a mainstream show.)

I'm not just figuring all this out now. I think I had most of it worked out in my own head by the time I was sixteen or seventeen. It's just hard to articulate, because preference behavior seems so ingrained. And it's really not. That's just mixing up the concept of ingrained behavior with the concept of impulse. Preferences are extremely impulsive, but they're not predetermined. They can be influenced and to some extent controlled by the most random factors. One of the factors that tends to determine my behavior is the drive to understand how people think. Sometimes that means taking conformist behavior seriously, and sometimes it means identifying and examining it in myself.

Comments

[gerald_duck]

Humans have an instinct towards conformity as part of tribalism. As social groups cohere, they start going to Church on a Sunday or writing pidgin witticisms on photos of cats. For better or worse.

A sense of social context, of belonging, nurtures the soul, but a lot of conformity is lowest-common-denominator pap cynically created by large corporations. Even then, it's a matter of perspective. For example, Peter Moore points out that, no matter how much you despise McDonald's in your own country, when you've been blundering through the wilds of Africa for weeks living on rice, ugali and suspicious fragments of meat (his advice to vegetarians in Africa is "I hope you like rice") and suddenly emerge blinking into some nation's capital city, just go ahead and order a Big Mac. To some extent, being able to sneer at lowest-common-denominator pap is a luxury we should appreciate more.

Another aspect of the situation, however, is the social contract: we consent to conform to certain social norms in order to receive the benefits of others also conforming.

And then, the summer before last, I visited Zürich. As I noted at the time, "Zürich appears to have an instinctive understanding of the distinction between nonconformist and antisocial". The denizens adhere to the rules that let society run smoothly with almost alien meticulousness, but are also generally liberal and often intriguingly strange.

So… while I thoroughly agree with the general thrust that it's good to be an individual, to follow one's own distinctive ambitions and sensibilities, and also agree about the important distinction between conforming because you happen to like a popular thing and conforming for its own sake, I do think there are other aspects to the situation. Conforming for a sense of belonging can be important, as can conforming so that others will also conform.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

I refer you to this bit of the above entry (not sure if you missed it, or are intentionally focusing on agreeing with it): Conformity, in the context that I meant it when I denigrated it, means behaving in socially standard ways because they are socially standard. There are often excellent reasons to do this, which is another thing it took me a while to realize, although it can be dangerous to get in the habit of it.

I didn't expand on the point because the socially positive aspects of conformity are complex enough that I didn't want to get into them in detail. But, in short: yes, you're right. There's a lot to be said for conformity even when it is solely for its own sake.

[gerald_duck]

Sorry — yes. I didn't so much miss the "There are often excellent reasons…" as think you were saying there were often excellent reasons to do something for the sake of it being socially standard. I'm not sure it is ever good to do something simply because it's socially standard, but conforming can serve a higher purpose such as social cohesion or the advancement of liberty.

But it's sounding as though that's what you meant and we're in violent agreement? (-8

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess I didn't phrase that as clearly as I could have, but we're obviously trying to get at the same thing. :P

[greedy_dancer]

(This is only somewhat related to your post... lol)

I'm of the opinion that most things that are extremely popular are also somewhat mediocre, because I understand appealing to "most people" as compromising... While things that are really "brilliant" (to me) are also confusing/alienating for other people.

I recognize that there is brilliance in being able to get billions of human beings hooked to your music/books/shows etc. If something captures the spirit of times, or what people want, or is efficient enough that it'll get even reluctant viewers/listeners/readers hooked... that's an achievement in itself.

I have no other point! :D?

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

How do you fit that sentiment in with your rabid Panic fangirling? :P

I'm of the opinion that most things that are extremely popular are also somewhat mediocre

I think most things are somewhat mediocre (with the understanding that the concept of "mediocre" with relation to preference is a very individual matter rather than an objective description). Being popular doesn't mean something is automatically good, but it doesn't mean it's automatically not good.

And popularity, or attempts to achieve popularity, can have a negative impact on individual perception of quality. I think "Inception," for example, would have been a MUCH better film without the pressure to be a blockbuster. It was a philosophical adventure film trying to be an action film because that's what the higher-ups thought would appeal. So yeah, sometimes popularity can hurt. But I don't think that's universally the case.

[greedy_dancer]

How do you fit that sentiment in with your rabid Panic fangirling? :P

Haha! Well, first of all I wouldn't think myself a "rabid" Panic fan. Rabid MCR fan, sure. But I came to Panic late, and through fic, and I like their music - some of the songs I love, some seriously give me the motts - because I have an emotional attachment to them, because of fandom. I came to MCR because I became obsessed with one of their songs, and while I'm not saying they're musical geniuses, their music makes me feel things and like, talks to me and all that crazy-sounding stuff. I probably wouldn't have listened to Panic twice if I hadn't read about them first. In fact, I'm pretty sure it took me that long to get to them once I fell into bandom because I was prejudiced from hearing them on the radio so much *g*

Now, that doesn't mean I don't like the new album and that I'm not going to another country to see them again. But... it's about the fannish experience more than the music. I can totally live with that though *g*

Oh, and I loved Inception. Saw it 4 times at the cinema, in fact! lol

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

So... what you're saying is that they're exceptions? They're good despite the fact that they're popular? :P

[greedy_dancer]

:p

I'm saying I don't if they're good or not, and at this stage I'm too invested in them to really be able to tell. I don't listen to them because I want to hear good music, I listen to them because I like Brendon and Spencer etc. I have non-bandom bands for "good" music. (And I'm not sayign they're bad, just that my appreciation of them is totally irrational at this point, so if it WAS bad? I probably couldn't tell anyway lol)

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

Huh. Interesting that you're aware of that. I suspect it's true of more fans than they realize. I myself do not actually like much bandom bands' music at all (or, as we've previously discussed, the real-life counterparts to the bandom characters), but I think I like more of it than I would if I didn't have the context of fandom. I, uh, kind of have a thousand-plus-word outline written for an epic essay about this exact subject--why the heck someone like me, who doesn't like the bands or the people, would be as involved as I am in music RPS fandom. It's endlessly intriguing to me.

[greedy_dancer]

Yes, I'm very aware of it. I know full well most bandom bands I wouldn't listen to if I weren't in fandom - for some I would be missing on good stuff, for some... meh. But I have a strong emotional link to music - tell me why I should like something and I will. I just need a point of entry.

This is why, when discussing with other fans, I don't really have the "what is the next album is bad" problem. I mean, obviously I like "my" bands and want them to do well, so I'd rather they put out a good (or "popular" :p) album. But I know that given my emotional investment, and given enough time and repeats, I will end up finding something I like in each song, be it a back-up vocal harmony or a little "ding!" at one specific moment. My investment will make me like it.

I'm a very self-aware/self-conscious fan! *g*

Omg I keep posting too early. Yes, your position in fandom is even more intriguing! I shall be interested in reading that essay when it's posted.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

Short version: fiction is always more interesting than real life, and fans have created fictional characters and relationships based on the Decaydance family and MCR that I find much more appealing and worthwhile than reality. I might be more interested in the real people if I'd known anything about them before I got into bandom, but basically, I was introduced to the characters first, and the real people seem boring and occasionally unpleasant by comparison. (They're certainly not boring by normal-people standards, but compared to the shit we write about them getting up to? No one could compare to fandom imagination.)

And of course people being douchebags are always funnier when they're made up and you don't have to think about the real-life consequences of their actions. I love douchebag fic, but some of the stuff meatworld Frank Iero has said makes me wince.

[imagines.livejournal.com]

Oh my GOD I love this post. You articulated so many things that I have been pondering lately.

I tried very briefly to be Anti-Conformist (eta: in the sense of "I don't like things that everyone likes") in between loving Avril Lavigne and loving Panic. And oh, the excuses I made when I fell for Panic. For a very long time, I didn't tell people outside of LJ that I listened to them. And then when I eventually did tell people, I'd mutter it under my breath and keep my head down.

...and then I realized that liking Panic didn't actually make me stupid and unworthy and totally credless. And if THAT was the case, then it had to mean that OTHER people were also not stupid and unworthy and totally credless if they liked Panic too. And for that matter, cred was a dumb idea, and I was sick and tired of trying to keep mine shiny. (And that is the story of how Panic made me a better person. :p)

Along the way, I also realized that there is nothing I like that I like just because everyone else does too. Everything I like, I've stumbled across at some point in my life, and it pinged something in me hard enough that I latched onto it and said, "Yes, you will be mine now!" I don't know why I believed for so long that I was one of very few people who begin to like things that way. Now I think just about everyone does it that way. And sometimes a whole bunch of us happen to do it regarding the same song or movie or whatever.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

You got UBER-defensive about being a Panic fan, too. You got so mad when I teased you. For the record, I never thought you were fangirling Panic because they were popular. I teased you for fangirling Panic because I thought they were bad (still do, in that incarnation). The teasing was still not defensible, but it didn't have anything to do with conformity.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

(ps AVRIL LAVIGNE FTW. "If I could say what I wanna say/I'd say I wanna blow you... away! I want to see you go down... on one knee, marry me today!" ♥ ♥ ♥)

[imagines.livejournal.com]

WAIT WHAT. You like(ed?) Avril? Right after I met you, I said I liked her music, and you told me you were gonna show me REAL music. :p ...I mean, then you had me listen to Pretty Hate Machine, which—OH MY GOD. <33333

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

ahahaha. That was during my popular-is-bad phase. (NIN totally didn't count as popular. They were 'CORE. Also, nobody listened to their early stuff, therefore I was being edgy as long as I scoffed when people brought up "Closer" or thought "Hurt" was a Johnny Cash song. I think that was my reasoning, anyway.) I was a huge Avril fan when I was eleven. Like you wouldn't believe. My mom can tell you alllll about it.

Pretty Hate Machine: still my favorite album of all time. :D

[imagines.livejournal.com]

p.s. that is also one of my favorite lyrics of hers. XD HEEEE.

oh man gotta sleep now. headache trying to come on...

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

This is not just awesome because of "Edward Hamhands", but that is the most quotable bit.

One of the things that has been making me think about conformity recently is baby names. Because we came up with a number of names for girls, just thinking about what we liked, and checked the Social Security website, and realized we could not use any of them because they were all in the top five.

We're not Twilight fans. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but we're not.) We didn't come up with the name Isabel because of Bella. I am actually pretty sure that it's the other way around and that Bella is named Bella because it's a name that people like these days.

The zeitgeist. It seeps into your head.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

Baby names are one of those things where you have to be careful to strike a happy medium. Having a really common name invites trouble of the too-many-Mikes-in-the-group variety, but uncommon names suck because people get them wrong and you always have to spell them in the NATO phonetic alphabet over the phone.

Mom named me right before Julia Roberts got famous and the name surged in popularity. She apologizes whenever it comes up, but it's not really that common. I'm pretty okay with it, apart from the incomprehensibly large number of people who think my name is Julie. (Even in e-mails that are responses to e-mails from me, when it's right there in text in front of them! Do not understand.)

I imagine with the combination of your experiences with your super-uncommon full first name and Mr. E's experiences with his super-common first name, you guys as a team will do an awesome job of name selection.