yither & thon

[jedusor]

(Note: this is not meant to mock the concept of gender-neutral pronouns, which I fully support and want in my language, but rather the inability of anyone to reach a consensus on which set to use.)

"Well, let's see what we have on the bags--hu's on first, sie's on second, they're on third..."

"Who's on first?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Yes."

"The guy on first."

"Guy?"

"Oh, sorry, shouldn't have assumed. The person on first, who is she?"

"No, sie's on second."

"But who's the person on first?"

"That's right."

(pause)

"Okay, well, who's on second?"

"No, hu's on first."

"But on second?"

"Sie."

"No, I don't see. Who is it?"

"Hu's on first."

(pause)

"Look, you got a first baseman?"

"I'm not a fan of gendered terms like that, but yeah, of course."

"When you pay off the first base... person every month, who gets the money?"

"Every dollar of it. Sometimes one of hus spice comes down and collects it."

"Whose spice?"

"Yes. What's wrong with that?"

"I don't know anything about a spice, I just wanna see who's on first base."

"You're mixing them up now. Sie's on second, hu's on first."

"They are?"

"No, they're on third."

"All of them?"

"Singular them."

(pause)

"Look, you got an outfield?"

"Sure."

"You got a left fielder?"

"Yo."

"Uh... 'sup. I'm asking you about your left fielder."

"Yo in left field."

"I am not. I want to know who is."

"Hu's..."

"Hey! I'll break your arm, you say who's on first!"

"Oh no, ey is center field."

"...I see."

(simultaneously) "Second base!"

(pause)

"Okay. I'm the catcher. A heavy hitter bunts the ball to me, I wanna throw the person out at first base, so I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the person runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to See, See throws it to Them. Have I got that straight?"

"Oh, none of them are straight."

Comments

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Win.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

:D

[bookishfellow.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I just can't get behind any gender-neutral singular pronoun other than "they." 'S got a lot of historic weight behind it, what with Chaucer and Shakespeare and all.

Then again, we could all switch to Finnish, which doesn't even use gendered personal pronouns...

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I try to use "they" unless specifically requested otherwise.