Thought for the day

[jedusor]

I think one of the most important realizations that push the transition from adolescence to adulthood is that failing to express affection for the people you care about does not make you cool.

It's not universal, obviously, because people are different (some have the opposite problem of expressing affection indiscriminately and thus making people who don't know them well uncomfortable), but that aloof demeanor is definitely one of the things I see most in teenagers, and in people who aren't teenagers anymore but haven't gotten their shit together enough to grow up.

Comments

[rubrick.livejournal.com]

And now, for your next assignment, constuct a testable hypothesis as to why adolescents of a particular species might supress signs of affection. For extra credit, demonstrate the effect in Canadian lynxes.

[g4n0nd0rk.livejournal.com]

Speaking as one of "them", there isn't much reason to show affection, seeing as it won't really change future events, as least as far as we know. this is, of course, probably wrong. but then you get the whole "affection=uncool" coupled with "uncool=worst-thing-ever", which may have something to do with the spreading of this behavior. As for the Lynxes, i'd imagine that they do express affection, being a not-endangered species.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying you should show more affection. Because it's so prevalent, there's probably a good developmental reason for it.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Huh, that's really interesting. I was talking to badgerbag the other day and sort of saying the opposite; I remember when I was a teenager having these friendships where we could be really intense and intimate with each other, and it's much harder now as an adult. I feel like I'm intruding on other people's mental equilibrium if I bring up the really personal stuff.

[jedusor.livejournal.com]

Granted, I'm still a teenager for another year and a half, but I think I spent my adolescence worrying about what other people thought of me (mostly whether they thought I cared about what they thought of me, ironically) and that kept me from letting myself seem vulnerable. Now I'm starting to figure out this whole social-skills thing enough to actually be comfortable around people in general. I don't have a whole lot of close friends here at Clark, but I feel like that's because I'm actively choosing not to focus on that, not because I don't have the capacity to create those relationships. And I'm definitely more comfortable with my casual friendships than I was a few years ago.

[nplloquacious.livejournal.com]

And, once again, you show us all how brilliant you are. I think finding out that expressing my love (often by taking the initiative and doing something for someone else, or inconveniencing myself for someone, or just giving someone else my full attention... in other words, by how I act towards them) makes me feel pretty darned good. Certainly, it makes me feel so very much better than alternatives like doing things for someone to get something out of them or being nasty because I think I know what they are thinking -- tactics that I have used a lot and still struggle with.

If you still need a car for your test in Oakland, I've got one you can use on the 28th.