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Mom: Hey, I want popcorn and the baby's on my lap, can I talk you through the process?
Me: Sure. *fetches popcorn-making materials*
Phone: *rings*
Me: Hello?
Dan: Hey. 'Sup?
Me: Trying to make popcorn. Hey Mom, what do I do next?
Mom: *from the living room* Pour in the kernels, enough to cover the bottom of the pot, then put on the lid. Make sure you have a bowl ready.
Me: *obeys*
Popcorn: *begins popping*
Me: Pop... pop pop... hee!
Dan: *somehow manages to convey the rolling of eyes over the phone*
Popcorn: *goes insane like Sailor at a sleepover*
Me: AAAAAHHHHH THE LID'S GOING UP MOOOOOOM!
Mom: Take it off and pour some into the bowl, then put it back on the burner and wait for it to keep popping.
Me: *gets about half of the popcorn in the bowl, puts pot back on burner*
Popcorn: *doesn't pop*
Me: *waits about a minute*
Pot: *lid is steaming madly*
Me: Uh, Mom? It's not popping anymore...
Mom: Take it off of the burner! TAKE IT OFF!
Me: *takes it off* It smells funky, I think it burned...
Mom: Don't put burned popcorn in with the stuff you already took out.
Me: *takes off lid* It looks yellowish, and kinda nasty.
Mom: Aw man. Fill it with water.
Me: I'm afraid it's gonna explode if I do!
Mom: No, it'll hiss, but it won't explode.
Me: *turns on sink and sticks pot under faucet*
Pot: *explodes*
Me: *screams like a girl and drops the pot*
Pot: *sizzles loudly, emitting vast amounts of smoke*
Mom: *yelling something I can't hear over the sizzling*
Me: *pokes pot further under water because it isn't full yet*
Pot: *explodes again*
Me: *coughing, runs over to open the back door so the smoke alarm won't go off*
Pot: *relinquishes and dies, full of murky black water and unrecognizable brown puffs*
Kitchen: *is full of smoke*
Me: *runs into living room to get a breath of air* Should I open the front door, too?
Mom: Yeah, open the front door and turn on the whole house fan.
Me: How?
Mom: *whines about me pretending to be helpless*
Dan: Have I ever told you that with you, every phone call is an adventure?
Me: I have to go. *hangs up* Look, I'm not being stupid on purpose, okay?
Mom: No, I can see that it's totally an accident!
Me: *gives up, retreats into office, and puts on "Popcorn" on repeat*
Me: Sure. *fetches popcorn-making materials*
Phone: *rings*
Me: Hello?
Dan: Hey. 'Sup?
Me: Trying to make popcorn. Hey Mom, what do I do next?
Mom: *from the living room* Pour in the kernels, enough to cover the bottom of the pot, then put on the lid. Make sure you have a bowl ready.
Me: *obeys*
Popcorn: *begins popping*
Me: Pop... pop pop... hee!
Dan: *somehow manages to convey the rolling of eyes over the phone*
Popcorn: *goes insane like Sailor at a sleepover*
Me: AAAAAHHHHH THE LID'S GOING UP MOOOOOOM!
Mom: Take it off and pour some into the bowl, then put it back on the burner and wait for it to keep popping.
Me: *gets about half of the popcorn in the bowl, puts pot back on burner*
Popcorn: *doesn't pop*
Me: *waits about a minute*
Pot: *lid is steaming madly*
Me: Uh, Mom? It's not popping anymore...
Mom: Take it off of the burner! TAKE IT OFF!
Me: *takes it off* It smells funky, I think it burned...
Mom: Don't put burned popcorn in with the stuff you already took out.
Me: *takes off lid* It looks yellowish, and kinda nasty.
Mom: Aw man. Fill it with water.
Me: I'm afraid it's gonna explode if I do!
Mom: No, it'll hiss, but it won't explode.
Me: *turns on sink and sticks pot under faucet*
Pot: *explodes*
Me: *screams like a girl and drops the pot*
Pot: *sizzles loudly, emitting vast amounts of smoke*
Mom: *yelling something I can't hear over the sizzling*
Me: *pokes pot further under water because it isn't full yet*
Pot: *explodes again*
Me: *coughing, runs over to open the back door so the smoke alarm won't go off*
Pot: *relinquishes and dies, full of murky black water and unrecognizable brown puffs*
Kitchen: *is full of smoke*
Me: *runs into living room to get a breath of air* Should I open the front door, too?
Mom: Yeah, open the front door and turn on the whole house fan.
Me: How?
Mom: *whines about me pretending to be helpless*
Dan: Have I ever told you that with you, every phone call is an adventure?
Me: I have to go. *hangs up* Look, I'm not being stupid on purpose, okay?
Mom: No, I can see that it's totally an accident!
Me: *gives up, retreats into office, and puts on "Popcorn" on repeat*
